Monday, October 8, 2012

Is this real life?

Holy shit, I'm having a baby tomorrow!

 I just felt like I needed to get that out there. I am excited, of course, but also a little nervous. With Jackson everything happened so fast there wasn't time to get scared really. Knowing the exact day and time Hudson would arrive made planning things much easier, but also left lots of time for worries and fears to creep in. Deep down I know that everything is going to be fine, both with the surgery and caring for my two babies but I still find myself feeling nervous and anxious.

One of my biggest worries is that I'm not allowed to eat breakfast. This may seem trivial but I KNOW that I get super crabby when I'm hungry and tackling such an important day without food seems like a terrible idea.

I also keep having nightmares that the epidural doesn't work and I can feel them cutting my stomach. Probably another completely irrational fear but it keeps waking me up.

I am worried about my big boy too. I have never been away from Jackson over night. I worry that he'll wake up and be sad without his Mama and Daddy. I worry that I'll be so busy with the baby that he'll feel left out. In the realm of irrational and trivial worries lies my worry about what he'll eat for lunch and dinner without me and what he'll be dressed in for daycare.

So hopefully I get some sleep tonight and have an awesome day tomorrow. Maybe sharing my real and imagined fears will help to clear my mind. Thanks for reading :)

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